Every now and again I look at my favourite entries list and try to see if anyone has added a new favourite. {I'm spelling it the way Andrew does.}

I did that just now. I realized that I should have been happy by the list - it's quite long. But all it did was make me feel worse about not writing the kind of thing that people want to remember. I used to be able to. At least three times I've specifically tried to write something that someone would add as a favorite and they actually did. {I'd link those entries but they were deleted when I cleared everything. Another shining example of my stupidity: I don't even know if I have backups of them anywhere.}

Now I barely write. I "started" NaNoWriMo yesterday and managed a spectacular {read 'really terrible'} 694 words before I said "Fuck NaNoWriMo" and went and watched a movie. I'm finding it hard to care about things.

Except money and bills and debt and how I'm ever going to break even. Not get ahead. I've given up on that entirely. Just break even. When the credit card bill comes I don't open it. I pay it online by clicking without looking so that I don't accidentally see the balance or the interest because it makes me physically nauseous. That stuff I can't seem to stop caring about.

And stupid little grudges and misunderstandings and things that don't matter at all. That's what I think about and care about and fret over.

I guess this is a bad time for me to write an entry. This is a stupid mood to be in and an even worse mood to document.

There should be a list that's the opposite of favourites. A list of entries you'd like to skip or make sure people avoid. A list of wastes of time and wastes of words and just plain wastes. Then I could set myself the goal of getting on that list and find it a bit easier to achieve.