Throughout childhood I had this belief, this half-formed idea, that at some point in my life I would reach a point where everything would be different. My life would suddenly make sense, my job, love, money, even I would be different. And everything would suddenly be right. Not perfect, mind you, but somehow right.

Now I know that's not just wrong, but crazy and dangerous thinking.

But I can't seem to shake this feeling that one day I'm going to turn a corner and step into a different life. That I'll fit the world better or it will fit me. That there won't be all this sadness or fear or anger or wasted care.

I wish I could blot it out, mark it through with a big black sharpie, and clear it from my head.

But not half so much as I wish I could just find that place.