my head. on the verge of melting from the ache trapped in my skull. how does a headache happen, physically i mean? right now if you told me it was hammer weilding conga dancers i'd believe.

i'm sick and anxious and afraid and and and i can't stop thinking about the things i'm not supposed to think about and the fear is more than i can explain, like a physical manifestation in the room with me, surrounding me, overwhelming me.

distraction, distraction, my same old game. only as soon as one passes and isn't immediately followed with a new one {headaches don't count} then it all rushes back in somehow even worse.

i wish my head would melt, so i could stop thinking, playing imaginary conversations over and over and over exploring every possible avenue and praying to someone/something/anything {that i don't believe in} that everything will just be okay somehow.

how can good intentions go so wrong? how can doing what i believed, still believe, is right have such unbelievable ability to go so wrong?

my dreams for the future, you know them even if you don't want to. that house i talk about, you can picture it, you know you can. what you don't want me to imagine is you. what i don't tell you is that when i look at postsecret i imagine it's from you. what i don't tell you is that everything i've ever done since the moment i first knew you, has been what i believed to be for the best with you first in my mind. i just hope that one day you'll understand that.