It's like when the first band you ever loved broke up and you knew that there would never be another moment like the last time you tore off the cellophane in the parking lot of the music store and eagerly stuffed the cd into the dash player of your car.

Or that time you took her to your favorite restaurant and then after all that shit fell down and the bitterness faded and the hurt and anger became dusty memories... you still couldn't eat there because just the sight of the place made it fresh again, salt in all your open wounds.

What I'm trying to say is none of this means you never listen to music again. It doesn't mean you stop eating forever.

All it means is that you've reached the point where there is more "never again" than "maybe someday" and more lost first loves than loves that may one day be. It's not the end of everything, just another bunch of tiny little deaths that put lines on your face and walls on your heart.

I'm sure you understand when I say I don't listen to those songs anymore. I'm sure you don't want to think it meant that much but you can't say you don't know how it feels.

And all those times I said it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all... it amazes me that no one ever knocked me soundly over the head with something heavy. Because it's so much better to have it ahead than behind. Better to have the open road in front of you than a handful of change and an empty gas tank. Better to think that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship than the stuttering last heartbeats of might-have-been.

And I'll tell you a secret. I stood in that store last Friday and I saw someone who looked just like you. He was holding the hand of a doll-like, blonde, little curly-headed girl. Something happened just then. I let go a while back but whatever was left just broke. It turns out letting go and knowing you'll move on are different. It's not sadness, not really. I'm sure there is a word for it but I don't think anyone ever told me just how it would feel.

I won't tell you this. We don't really talk and that's probably good. It's easier to pretend in small doses.