I should have been an actress. My ability to psych myself into that place, that stupid dark place where I seem to live... that might have been put to good use.

But I suppose I'd have need of more than one emotion if I were an actress. I suppose I should have more than one emotion as a human. But I'm not very good at either, it seems.

Sitting here with nothing in particular to trigger it than my own fucked up synapses and neurons and poorly exercised array of emotions ... and suddenly ... tears. Just hello! and there they are. No warning or sign or RSVP. What the hell? What kind of seriously fucked up person just suddenly can't seem to handle a completely average Saturday night?

Enough.

I've tried so many tricks and followed so many theories. And nothing has worked for very long.

Melodrama.

Mellow drama.

Me low drama.

How fucking boring can this broken record get?